Baby Fever

Linking up with “Down and Dirty” for this Mayhave Monday.


This is my first “linking” experience so forgive me if I don’t quite know what I’m doing.

Today I’m going to share a truth: I want to have a baby.

But I won’t yet.

I’ve been thinking about babies a lot lately. Maybe it’s because we hang out with so many people who have babies. Sometimes it feels like we’re the last married couple in town without a kid. Maybe it’s because we keep finding out that friends are now working on a second child or are in fact pregnant with said second child. Maybe it’s because I worked the Sunday performance of Family Playhouse’s “Aristocats” and was enveloped in children. Maybe because there is nothing better than when a little person I love runs and throws their arms around my neck and calls me some version of “Sarah.” Or maybe it’s because my biological clock is ticking. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not adjusting well to growing up. Lately I’ve had the overwhelming feeling of being O-L-D. I feel old, I feel like I look old, and I act old. I am not ready to be old.

But I won’t have a baby yet for a few reasons. I’m not healthy. I don’t take care of myself like I should and I greatly feel that if we were to get pregnant I would have to go on bed rest very early on. I see my blood pressure being a huge issue. Its one thing entirely for me to neglect my own health but I’m not about to try and grow a baby in this state. I want to do it right, which means dropping all this newlywed weight. Another reason, we currently share one car, A two door Grand Prix fondly referred to as “El Blanco Tigre.” Granted the backseat is quite roomy but I still refuse to transport a baby in that thing. Third, we just bought a house. A small perfect little house. A small perfect little house that barely holds our stuff. And we also agreed to wait until we moved on into a bigger house to have a baby. Fourth, the money issue. Which will always be an issue, I know, but it’s still something important to think about. Fifth, we want a lot of kids. Having done the math, I would need to have a baby about every 3 years to not be super O-L-D by the time we’re done. And because I’m feeling so O-L-D these days I feel like we’re letting opportunities slip by. And the final reason: I want a baby for completely selfish reasons. I want to design an adorable nursery and then brag about it all over facebook. I want to take interesting “Look how big my belly is pictures.” When someone asks me what future baby’s name is going to be I can’t wait to tell them the beautiful names we’ve picked out. I want to buy maternity clothes and be a super cute stylish mommy. I want to have a baby so I don’t have to work anymore. I want baby showers and presents and all the fixings. I want to send out really cute birth announcements. I want to hire ridiculously expensive photographers to take artsy pictures of Jacob and me modeling our baby in interesting rustic locations. I want little miniature versions of our best features combined into the perfect little baby face.

*sigh*

The thought of the real stuff involved in having a baby scares me to death. I just want to do all the fun shiny happy stuff and when things get hard just let my mom to take care of it. But I know this is the one thing in life I can’t be selfish about. It’s not about me. And that’s a big thing I have to work on.

So until I can grow up and stop being a brat, we’re going to wait. And I’ll keep praying for God to help me grow. And when He feels I’m ready I’ll grow up. And we’ll do this the right way. And I’ll pray and pray that I’ll be a good mom and we’ll be excellent parents.

And we will have successfully fielded the Yankees.